Distaste for the Illogical

Having just sat down with my father to watch the last of the presidential debates before election day, I now feel I have to cast my insignificant opinion into the sea of others, with hopes that someone may someday read it and nod in assent. Or more interestingly, to feel the sting of indignant anger.

I will now make a list of bullet points that I feel need to be addressed concerning the debate;

•  -McCain insisted that Obama saw fit to vote against a trade agreement drafted in Columbia, to which Obama responded that he would not support a policy geared towards empowering those who target union leaders trying to fight for simple worker’s rights. McCain argued that the policy would help to curb the flow of drugs into America which kill young Americans.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–These drugs are also responsible for the economic boom in the fast food industry, including tripling sales of Doritos among college-aged stoners.
• -The attack ads both ways were not honorable, and everyday voters who say mean things about Obama are being corrected by the honorable Senator McCain. It did not work the other way, however, and subsequently made Obama look like a meanie-bo-beanie. McCain brought this up.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Obama seems to have a problem with experiencing feelings, remarking in a snide way that the average American doesn’t care about some politician’s sorrows, especially when he ’s been compared to notorious southern racist ‘George Wallace .’ Obama decided not to ask a follow-up question along the same lines, such as maybe why McCain conveniently forgot his white sheet hood at home.
• -Obama believes we should all buy into a federal health insurance plan that senators enjoy. Included in this plan are the cheapest drugs available.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Your plan won’t include secret service agents ready to dive in front of a bullet. Additionally, Obama failed to use the word ‘Medications’ in place of the word ‘drugs.’ As we all already knew, the “cheapest drugs” are all in Columbia.
• McCain believes everyone should get a tax credit of $5,000 in order to facilitate choosing their own plan.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Nobody actually knows what a tax credit is, or if it can be taken across state or country borders and then used to buy a yacht.
• -A mysterious plumber named “Joe” was spoken to directly by both candidates throughout the night.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Joe the plumber was flattered for all the attention, but he’s still sad because he is losing his health insurance.
• -Obama likes education, and stated that unlike McCain, he does not in fact consider young America to be a “special interest group.”
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Translation; they should get more money.
• -McCain thinks that we can’t possibly spend money on every special interest that comes our way.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–Despite the fact that average Americans believe that special interest groups are nefarious winged creatures who steal infants from their cradles, many of them agree that it’s the most rational thing either of the two have ever said.
• -Alternative energy needs to be discovered, insists Obama.  Drilling is a good idea in order to reduce our dependence on foreign oil and stop Canada selling oil to the Chinese.
• WHAT WAS NEVER MENTIONED–The words “clean,” “coal,” and “technology” can never, EVER be spoken individually.

These are my talking points about tonight’s debate, and I hope you’ve found them helpful in deciding who to vote for in November. As for me, I’m still split right down the middle. This is going to be tough.

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