Distaste for the Illogical

Let me start out by saying that I’m not a doctor. I’ve never graduated from medical school, followed medical advice, gotten the chance to perform a tourniquet and/or subsequent amputation, nor have I ever haphazardly performed first aid on anyone for any ailment. I am not qualified to comment on medical matters, specifically when compared with the media’s bleak outlook on humanity’s future.

I am not a doctor–but then, neither are most people.

What I’m asserting is that as unqualified as I am to be making fun of Swine Flu and its own brand of inherent hysteria along for the ride, most people are equally uninformed about what their concerns should be about this horrendous disease.

A kind of influenza whose sinister symptoms include “fever, sore throat, cough, and possibly vomitting and diarhea,” there is certainly much to be cautionary about. I am quite frightened by the very concept of any kind of liquid pouring out of my body in any measure, but am not so sure that I should be boarding up my house and spending significantly on painter’s masks down at the hardware store.

Yet there’s supposedly something particularly threatening about this Swine Flu, according to the TV. I tried to look, but I couldn’t find too many reasons to be scared. Besides the obvious symptoms I just mentioned, I could find little else of major national concern.  All I could figure out was that I should try not to get the flu and that I should avoid people “who have traveled to Mexico recently.”

So. A disease as threatening and inexplicably and ambiguously dangerous as the Swine Flu can be avoided by staying away from an extremely small percentage of sick people, and people associated with Mexico.

I know it sounds challenging, but I think I can handle it.

However, what happens to people who can’t quite manage that?

I’m afraid things aren’t looking good for you. In Mexico, which is the highest risk area for Swine Flu, an alarmingly high number of people have died (19).  Other reports (such as sources in NPR) have reported ‘unconfirmed’ swine flu deaths to be as high as 149. To call the accuracy of the data ’spotty’ would be an extremely endearing compliment. There are over ten million people living in Mexico City alone. There were over ONE HUNDRED times the fatalities from car accidents last year than there were from Swine Flu.

In fact, I can only hope that people don’t get so worried about Swine Flu in Mexico City while driving–it might cause a fatal accident. Which might get incorrectly credited to Swine Flu.

What about here at home? That same NPR report states that there are currently 48 cases of Swine Flu documented right here in the good ol’ USA, but not one lousy Swine Flu-related death.

This is not even close to the international epidemic known informally as “The Black Death,” a devastating illness which killed off over 1/3 of Europe. Truthfully, we have much more to be afraid of. If someone coughs nearby, they probably do not have Swine Flu. If they DO have Swine Flu and today is truly not your day, there is an incredibly small chance that you will succumb to its effects and die. If you die, take solace that you will be justifying the fears of millions of people worldwide, and inciting another wave of completely undue paranoia.

But at least you’ll get a sweet 30-second prime-time news spot.